On Saturday night while women around the world were celebrating their overwhelming success of convincing the sisterhood to gather and fight against…..whatever it is they were trying to accomplish I was at my very first Gay Club.
I received an invitation from a beautiful young woman named Shilpa to go to Club XY to celebrate her birthday.
I of course raced to get ready because well quite frankly, I love Shilpa.
Shilpa is one of those rare creatures who is always kind – no matter what. Never once have I heard this young woman complain or criticize anyone, ever. It was a night I won’t soon forget.
In attendance was Shilpa’s both stunning and beautifully kind girlfriend “Yo” and her bff Caroline.
Over the years that I have had the pleasure of knowing Caroline I have to admit (and did so to her face.) That I was slightly annoyed with her. I was annoyed because Caroline has a courage I’ve never found in myself.
As I’ve said in previous posts, Caroline has been open about her sexuality and the pain and suffering that has been sent her way since. I have openly defended her while silently I kind of wanted to kick her ass. I admit it.
I also admit that my feelings came from my own inability to be as open and honest. With you, but most importantly…with myself.
During our conversation, which I believe was far more helpful to me than it was to her I had some personal discoveries. I was able to vocalize things I had been keeping inside for several years. So thank you for that little sister. I will never forget how grateful I am.
One of my major issues with this young woman is that she’s so fucking nice. She’s literally the kindest girl on the planet – which explains why she and Shilpa are such good friends.
She’s also very confidant – I know she’ll read this so I will say it again. It’s something I learned on Saturday night, just because you do not see yourself as confidant does not mean others do.
Now. Enough about the little Sisters, and on to me and why all of this matters. I haven’t digressed I promised.
I am an English, Irish, Jamaican, Scottish, Gypsy Spiritualist who also happens to be a Submissive.
One of the things that has helped me with my own self revelations is a question someone posed a few days ago.
“Who does my performance Benefit?” That threw me for a loop.
I’ve been thinking hard about this since the question was posed. Who does my sexuality and performance benefit?
Is it me? My potential partners? All of this brings me to something I’ve wanted to discuss for a very long while.
Bondism, and Kink. What do these relationships accomplish? Why do they matter? And why should any of us care?
To put it simply, every person on the planet has a particular kink that gets them off. Some of us just indulge in them more seriously. We take it outside the bedroom and move it to the next level.
Over the next several weeks I want to discover more about myself and my kinks, I also want to share them with you. Sharing my kinks, my inner most thoughts and desires is terrifying, it is until now not something I Have had the courage to do before.
For me personally I know that my kinks come from the abusive I have suffered. I am someone who has faced superiority complexes most of my life.
Submission for me is as natural as breathing. I know that many who know me in the real world wouldn’t see it that way, I admit it is subtle. I work very hard to project an aura of Dominance. To pretend that nothing phases me that I am not afraid of anything, however when it comes to men this is not the case.
When a man comes into my life I submit automatically. This stems from years of abuse, from it being a life long habit.
For instance. A Friend of mine who shall remain anonymous is in a Daddy Dom relationship. Upon meeting this person I was unable to say his name. However because we were in public nor could I address him as “Sir” which is protocol when you come across a Dominant within the community. It was something I laughed off at the time, but it also struck a cord with me.
It was incredibly difficult for me to stand there in front of a Dominant and not address him correctly. I have no trouble when it comes to most men – men I know well and am friendly with.
Not all submissives suffer this way. Submission and Domination are different for every person. For me in particular I need to learn the very special and minute balance. This is something I am finally beginning to understand better.
The major problem I have seen within the KINK community is the volume of submissives that have dealt with similar issues. Many of which stem from a man or woman claiming to be a Dominant but really just enjoying the ability to cause pain, and hurt – both physical and mental to someone willing to offer up their submission.
A question was posed to me on Saturday night, how can you tell the difference between a Real Dominant, and a Fraud? Over the next several weeks I will be answering that question.
I am curious to know your thoughts. So I hope that as I write this series you will join me with your questions and input. Please be aware I am by no means an expert. I have only my own research and experiences to go on.
It is my hope that as I write this series not only will I be able to help others understand the motivation behind those within the KINK lifestyle, but perhaps I will come closer to peeling away another layer of my own world.Maybe if we’re lucky we may even be able to protect other submissives from being abused as so many of us have been before.
What do you think? Can we do this together Bunnies?
All my love,