For years, I have worked hard at trying to reconcile my belief of Higher Powers, Energies or Gods – whatever word works for you – with my anger at this supposed “God” creature that according to millions around the world, created the earth.
I have as you all know, struggled with “if God is real why so much suffering,” trying to find the answer in both the bottom of a bottle and the sweet sensation that flows through me after a well rolled joint.
Last night I had the chance –finally- to see Black Panther, and I have to say first off, I did not know how much I needed this movie until I sat down to watch it, not once but twice.
I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t seen it but I will say that every single thing about the movie right down to the very last Kilgore line, was exactly what I needed to hear.
I’ve been relatively quiet on this blog for about a month, purely because well someone decided it would be a really great idea to re-write several posts that I put up here and I guess I finally had enough of it, first and foremost the insult comes from the fact that I pour my soul into this blog. That I try to share moments in time with you guys that are some of the hardest darkest times of my life; recently I’ve been seeing very similar posts pop up on another blog – similar in that the arguments made for whatever the topic might be are identical to those that I’ve made here.
Similar in that it feels like something I would write, without the personal anecdotes that make these posts on this blog so personal, so deeply embroidered into each word that I take the time to write here.
When I pointed this fact out, I got a ton of responses that all started with, “maybe you could see it from their perspective…” No. If I am accusing you of stealing from me, I don’t really care about your side of things, I want you to acknowledge that not only have you decided to repeat what I’ve already said before, but you’ve decided to do it based on something I’ve written without admitting that you were inspired by me.
I find that incredibly offensive, for a lot of reasons – partially because I do spend so much time trying to put these posts together, but also because I try very hard to point out when I am inspired by someone and why, because I think it’s important to let people know that their inspiration matters to me.
What happened with this writer however was a flat out “fuck you” when I said hey, yo, this isn’t cool, and I called this person White and talked about how many white women promote their work while simultaneously ignoring my nearly identical work posted first, the only response this person gave me was “I am not white.”
That’s the only thing you have to say? You can’t even attempt to argue that you’ve ripped off my words? My work? You’ve flat out said that my voice matters less than yours by sending your friends out to defend you? Fuck you.
At least that was my initial reaction until I turned off Black Panther and turned on Bones to hear the Brennan Character talk about the reason Christianity still exists because it’s underlying message is about Forgiveness.
Christianity has existed this long because of forgiveness, which leads me to my most recent tattoo, a circle wrapped around a sitting Buddha, a reminder that life is both everlasting and not. Continual and not, a constant reminder that life in all its chaos is both ugly and yet entirely beautiful, yet again I am finding that I need to adjust my expectations of the people I surround myself with.
Not everyone will see the world I do, which is what I argue all the time – what I consider theft, others consider inspiration without the need to give attribution, yet because I try hard to attribute my inspiration when it comes I expect others to do the same.
It’s an unfair flaw of mine that I am working on, I can forgive this other “writer” and yes, I use that term loosely now, but I won’t forget that it happened and I can in response choose to be like Kilgore and continue to rant and rave or I can be like the King of Wakanda and do things better, shift my own reality just a little bit.
I can and I will forgive them, and I can forgive the people that defended them, I will do that, but I won’t forget. I don’t know really if I will write again this week or this month but I figured I owed you a real honest reason as to the hiatus I said I wasn’t taking after announcing that I was.
This year has been pretty rough, first with J’s murder and then the death of Zod, but a lot of good things are happening too and I’ve made some pretty awesome friends, more importantly, I’ve started to be really, painfully honest with myself not about what I do not want in my life, but about what I do want.
I feel like I’m repeating past lessons but apparently, that’s life – like the circle on my hand, life continues to repeat itself until you decide to change your direction and do better.
I’m getting there, slowly, but I am working on it, one more time I am going to thank Diane over at Elevate Love (dot) Com, for her support and unending inspiration, because when someone inspires you, they deserve to know.
Thank you all for being so patient and continuing to follow this blog and my social media just in case I decide to post something of importance, your good vibes, messages and love have not gone unnoticed.
As always, I am sending all my love, and wondering this time what it is you’re learning this week you didn’t realize or know how to act upon before?
Let me know by leaving a comment below,