My December

Celebrities come and go, they live, they inspire and as we all do, eventually they pass on to the Rock Heaven where we can no longer be apart of their journey.

I’ve always said a soft Rest in Peace when one of the Stars finally blinks out for the last time, but this time it feels different.

I didn’t know Chester, I wish I had, I wish I could have shaken his hand and said thank you.

It’s been a long time since I’ve listened to an LP song because they make me sad – it’s not exactly the happiest music, but it’s music that for the first time in my life I felt I could really connect to an artist – to a group of artists.

“My December” was a song I listened to until my iPod refused to play it any longer, it got me through one of the darkest times of my life. I had just left my abusive ex-boyfriend, lost a son and was as close to death as a person could get.

I remember the first time I saw an LP video on Much Music, they were playing against some other horrible awful band and I remember thinking, “they’re going to be huge.” I knew it the first moment I heard that soft gentle voice against the rip of heavy metal.

I remember thinking that finally there was music that I could feel safe with, music that really understood how I was feeling…I was about eighteen or so, and it was the first time in my life I honestly felt an artist was talking about “my” pain.

The day that Chester left us, left all of us, was the first time I cried for a celebrity, it was the first time my heart broke for someone I admired.

This past week I had the opportunity to send Gavin Rossdale a private message to say thank you for his music, for music that I love and that was the soundtrack of my youth, I will never have that chance with your friend, father, husband, and brother.

I will never have the chance to tell Chester how grateful I am that his music saved my life, pulled me out of my depression and inspired me to keep fighting for my life. If Bush was the soundtrack of my childhood, Linkin Park was, is and will forever be the soundtrack of my adult years.

I have read rumors that he did it because he couldn’t let go of the abuse suffered as a child – if anything that makes me admire him more. That he tried, he fought so hard, he inspired so many millions of people around the world, and yet here he was, entertaining us, speaking to us, inspiring us and he felt so alone and broken. I get that, so many of us do. I will be forever grateful for the legacy that he left, for the inspiration that he left.

Chester Bennington left a hole in the world, it will never be filled – it cannot be fixed, his life and his legacy, his poetry turned to song changed the world for the better. It gave lame kids like me someone to believe in, I hope that one day I can look back and realize I left half as much. I wish I could tell him that the reason that I have fought so hard against the demons that still haunt me, is because he gave me the courage to do so.

Those who read my blog know very well I don’t often talk about celebrities, I don’t really see the point, but this man in a very real and honest way saved my life. I remember sitting outside the church I worked, listening to “My December” realizing that if I wanted to belong to someone, if I wanted to get through the pain I’d have to fight.

I can write ten million more words about how this man affected me, a total stranger he’ll never meet, and have no reason to care about, but instead, I’m going to leave you with the song that saved my life.

Thank you Chester, may you Rest in Rock Heaven with the Angels of Love

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2 thoughts on “My December

  1. A beautiful tribute. I haven’t known LP’s or Chester’s work and art, but I know the feeling with my own list of the departed from another generation.

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