So Buzzfeed is reporting that women who are kept by R. Kelly are actually in some kind of weird sexual cult.
I know that I’m not the smartest woman on the planet, but I’ve been here for thirty-four years so I feel as if I have learned a thing or two, 18-year-old girls are not qualified to be called women.
At least not in my mind – at 18 I was still just a kid, trying to figure life out, trying to figure out where my place was in the world – I wasn’t a woman.
A woman is someone who has some real life experience under her belt, she understands what she wants out of life, and how to get there, and it takes some time to become a woman. That’s okay there is absolutely no shame in that.
18-year-old girls in relationships with 50-year-old men are not fully “woke” as the kids say these days. They are in the midst of defining who it is they think they are, refining it with who they want to become, and looking for guidance. I guarantee having been in that position, that one day these girls will look back with shame and regret.
Not because they deserve to, but because they are at this stage of their lives, incredibly vulnerable.
Kelly, like him or hate him has always had a certain pull for some women. If it is indeed true that he has segregated these girls from their families I have to ask why.
I actually have no problem with older men spending time with or even having sexual relationships with younger women. Hugh Hefner did it for years, in his particular case however the women in Hefner’s “stable” if you will, were allowed to come and go as they pleased. They were well taken care of, emotionally, physically and monetarily.
From the reports coming in about R Kelly, these young girls are being segregated from their family and human contact is reserved for Kelly alone, that doesn’t freak you out? It may not be a cult, but it certainly sets off some warning bells.
Someone and I can’t say who, because she blocked me, stated today that these women are there of their own free will and that if they needed help they should ask for it.
Ummm yeah because that’s how it works.
Tina Turner lived in abuse for almost thirty years and never said a word to anyone until it was over and I assure you it was not because she “liked it”.
I want to be very careful about how I say this so that I don’t offend anyone. When I was in an abusive relationship I didn’t see it as abusive in the moment, I honestly believed that he loved me, that I was where I was supposed to be and that things would eventually change and get better, I was only twenty-three when I met him and even though I had grown up with abuse, I didn’t really consider my actions in the moment.
In hindsight, I know that what he did to me – the horrors he put me through and the trauma that I am still dealing with – were in fact abusive. It’s always easier to see it in hindsight.
I’ve never really given Kelly much thought because he reminds me far too much of my step-father, cold, calculating and manipulative. There are however for some sick twisted reasons millions of women out there who want to defend him.
“Well they’re living in nice houses, everything’s paid for” So what? Let me ask you this, how much money, how many pretty toys and diamonds would it cost for you to allow a man to emotionally, physically, sexually and or mentally abuse you? What is your self-respect, your dignity and your sense of well being worth?
The Independent quoted Linda Mensch a civil rights lawyer;
“He works hard to become the best person and artist he can be. It is interesting that stories and tales debunked many years ago turn up when his goal is to stop the violence; put down the guns; and embrace peace and live. I suppose that is the price of fame. Like all of us, Mr. Kelly deserves a personal life. Please respect that.”
This is a reoccurring ploy, men who are accused of abuse often hire female lawyers as if to say “look she trusts me there for you should too”.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been a victim, maybe it’s because I’m a survivor that I see right through this ploy.
In politics, “optics” are what matters, far more than truth ever will. I don’t know if Kelly really is abusing these women or not, but I’m saying it’s possible, it sounds shady as fuck and it’s really worrisome.
It’s worrisome because we constantly allow public figures to get away with this bullshit, over and over and over again, and yes I am well aware that I am the one constantly saying that we need to stop holding celebrities to a higher standard than we hold ourselves.
I stand by that except when it comes to abuse allegations. These need to be taken seriously, and we human beings are notorious for ignoring them – fame be damned.
When any woman or any friend of a woman claims they are witnessing abuse in its true unadulterated form, we turn a blind eye and pretend it’s not happening. It’s habitual and continual. We convince ourselves that the people we love couldn’t possibly be abusive, couldn’t possibly be rapists because we don’t want to think that someone we love could do such horrible things.
The cycle of abuse and ignorance is the very definition of insanity. It keeps happening because we allow it to keep happening.
Statistically, first-time offenders receive more jail time than rapists and pedophiles combined – not just in the USA, but all over the world.
We have sent a clear message to abusers that we’re okay with their behavior, that rape, abuse, sexual assault and the like are acceptable. When are we going to stand up to the governments that WE empower? When are we going to decide, as a society that we are tired and sick of hearing stories of abuse?
I at least once – was told by an officer of the RCMP after reporting abuse that “I” would be arrested if I went anywhere that my ex may be. If I was “caught near him in any way shape or form it will be you we arrest for filing a false statement.”
That shit is exactly why we don’t report – when Cops are the deciding factor between what is and is not abuse, too often they choose the abuser over the victim. Too often the victim is left feeling ashamed, and afraid not only of her abuser but now of the police officer she calls for help.
I know what we need to do about this bullshit, I know that we as a society need to start speaking for the victims of abuse instead of the abusers, but until every single person on the planet decides that abusers need to be in jail long term – not short term – not for rehabilitation, but for punishment, things will never change.
No these are not women, these are young impressionable girls, still trying to figure out who they are, still trying to figure out who they want to be. They have no income, no backup – what happens when they decide they want to leave? What happens when Kelly decides he doesn’t want them anymore? Where do they go then?
What will happen to them when Kelly finds someone younger and decides to switch out the “older version”?
I leave you now with some startling statistics from CanadianWomen.Org
To the women who are living in the homes of R. Kelly, I hope that if things really are as bad as they are being reported, you find your freedom as soon as possible.
Sending all my love,
SINCE CRIME RATES IN CANADA ARE FALLING, IS VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN STILL A SERIOUS PROBLEM?
1. All Canadians pay a steep price for violence against women. It’s estimated that each year, Canadians collectively spend $7.4 billion to deal with the aftermath of spousal violence alone, according to the Department of Justice. This figure includes immediate costs, such as emergency room visits and related costs, such as loss of income. It also includes tangible costs such as funerals and intangible costs such as pain and suffering.
2. Half of all women in Canada have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence since the age of 16.
3. 67% of Canadians say they have personally known at least one woman who has experienced physical or sexual abuse.
4. Approximately every six days, a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner. Out of the 83 police-reported intimate partner homicides in 2014, 67 of the victims—over 80%—were women.
5. On any given night in Canada, 3,491 women and their 2,724 children sleep in shelters because it isn’t safe at home.
6. On any given night, about 300 women and children are turned away because shelters are already full.
7. There were 1,181 cases of missing or murdered Aboriginal women in Canada between 1980 and 2012, according to the RCMP. However, according to grassroots organizations and the Minister of the Status of Women, the number is much higher, closer to 4,000.
8. Aboriginal women are killed at six times the rate of non-aboriginal women.
9. Women are at greater risk of experiencing elder abuse from a family member, accounting for 60% of senior survivors of family violence.
10. Rates of violence against women vary widely across Canada. As is the case with violent crime overall, the territories have consistently recorded the highest rates of police-reported violence against women. The rate of violent crime against women in Nunavut in 2011 was nearly 13 times higher than the rate for Canada. Saskatchewan and Manitoba, which have consistently recorded the highest provincial rates of police-reported violent crime, had rates of violence against women in 2011 that were about double the national rate. Ontario and Quebec had the lowest rates of violence against women.
11. Cyber violence, which includes online threats, harassment, and stalking, has emerged as an extension of violence against women young women (18-24) are most likely to experience online harassment in its most severe forms, including stalking, sexual
12. Young women (18-24) are most likely to experience online harassment in its most severe forms, including stalking, sexual harassment, and physical threats.