Okay so are you like me, tired and bored with people talking about how hard they worked to find their happiness, and yet not really giving any concrete ideas on how the fuck to make that happen?
Cause oh my god it took me years to figure out something that millions of people figured out, in like day one.
So I actually have been asking myself the question “How can I tell the world who I am, when I don’t even know?” for years.
Turns out my lovely friends Bobbi and Rachel from #SexAbuseChat on Twitter had the same thought this month. Last week’s topic was all about “How to discover your authentic self!”
Holy shit! The universe is knocking and I’m opening that damned door!
So I thought rather than rail on about all the great things that are coming my way, I would instead give you guys some ideas on how to rediscover who you are, who you want to be. I hope that this list of ideas helps, and I hope even more if you have some suggestions of ideas that I have missed, you’ll post them down below!
Each and every product included in this list is something I’ve used in my own home at one time or another. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have – just a heads up I am not affiliated with these products or services in any way, unless otherwise mentioned with a **.
1. Take Baths:
Seriously, these things will change your life. Especially if you add candles, some soft music, and a book. Let yourself soak in luxury, and enjoy this peaceful time. If need be put a hand decorated large as possible “GO AWAY” sign on your door, so people know not to bother you. If the husband is at work and the kids are driving you nuts, go get a babysitter for an hour, tell her you’ll be in the bath and that unless someone is bleeding, broken or dying, you are to remain undisturbed. No excuses dammit, just do it! I highly recommend “Color Baths” you can find them in many stores, or order online. These are great for adults as well as children and won’t stain your tub. There’s just something about being surrounded by color that helps to change your perspective, and helps to wrap your entire body with positive vibes.
2. Change up the music you are listening to! If it’s loud and angry it’s probably not filling you with vibes of happiness.
I know this may sound silly, but one of the first things I did about three years ago was to stop listening to gangster rap, heavy metal and punk rock. Three of my favorite kinds of tunes. The problem was that these types of music always evoked negative feelings in me, and made me fucking miserable. Music is always used to set a certain mood. Don’t get me wrong I still love rap, heavy metal and punk rock but I listen to them in limited quantities now. I surround myself with music that makes me dance, or as I often say to my dog who knows I’m a freak, I choose music that helps me “shake my groove thang.” If my ass is moving, I’m dancing around the house, then I’m in a great mood and this continues daily!
3. Write every day.
I don’t actually post every piece that I write, but I write a blog post every single day! This blog is a link to who I used to be, so that I can inspire others – but more importantly so I can chart my progress. I don’t know about you but I think I’ve come pretty far since I started a year ago. Even if you don’t publish your writing, or your art, you should do something, anything creatively every single day! The more you create, the more you evolve, and the more you can see where you were when you started, so you can appreciate where you end up! How bad ass is that?!
4. Hell yes, we are back to the art of color!
Color changes how we see the world. In winter we tend to be miserable and depressed because the colors fade, and we are surrounded with dark shades of green and gray that really are neither inspiring nor filled with warmth. In summer we’re smiling and happy because we’re getting all that beautiful Vitamin D from the sun. It’s a feeling I realize I don’t want to let go of, so surround yourself with as much color as you possibly can! In winter you can buy yellow light bulbs that help starve that darkness of all your good vibes.
5. Speaking of Vitamins and diet
B 12 has been a life saver. Whenever I need an extra boost, I’ll pop 2 Over the counter B 12 supplements to help perk me up. As it turns out, after a few weeks of using the ones recommended by my local pharmacist I almost never need them any more. Although it’s super comforting to know they are there. While your at it change your diet. My mom and I recently quit drinking pop. (Okay so I have a ginger ale every now and then.) The lack of sugar in our diets, or bad sugars rather, has been a huge boost to our levels of every day energy.
6. Get a Dog!
Nope no excuses, they aren’t allowed in our new realm of love and positivism. My friend Charlotte recently realized how much having a puppy is changing her life. I admit that my dogs both Rosie (may she rest in peace) and Whalley (alive and well) have altered the way I look at life and love. Whalley requires daily attention, he needs to be fed, and walked and he forces me to remember to take a break every now and then and go out to enjoy the beautiful summer weather. Sure dogs are a lot of work, but they are worth it. Whalley gives me far more than I could ever repay him with, simply by existing. I’m one lucky girl. And imagine how amazing it would feel to save a life of one of the billions of dogs on death row?!
7. Stop being so fucking negative
Stop me if you’ve heard these before.
“I wish I was dead.” “I’m so stupid.” “I’m so Ugly.” “I’m unworthy.” Yeah no. This shit will not help you get your life back. So here’s what you do. Every time you say something negative about yourself you have to pay yourself five dollars. Grab a glass jar and screw that lid on tight. When you make a negative comment, stick that five dollars in a hole you’ve already cut in the top of the jar. Now here’s the trickier part. You have to say 1 positive thing to yourself while staring in the mirror every day for sixty days. If you’ve managed to accomplish this, you get to spend the money. If you haven’t managed it at all however, even missing 1 day, you gotta keep saving. When you’ve managed to go sixty days without saying anything negative about yourself, you get to spend that money on yourself. Get some ink, go dancing, go out for dinner at your favorite restaurant, but whatever you do spend that money on ONLY yourself. Or better yet, save it up for something even bigger at the end of the year!
8. Change your friends!
There are a lot of people in this world that I love, but unfortunately they weren’t good for me. They sure as hell weren’t any good for my spiritual growth. If anything they were holding me back, tearing me away from whatever amazing purpose the world has in store for me. So as much as I wish them the absolute best, they had to go. From here on out, I am only allowing my life to be filled with people who will love me as I am and encourage me to grow. People who like me are on journeys of self discovery.
9. This includes family
I once had a friend who told me he cut off his entire family because they were impeding his spiritual growth. I thought he was insane. We’re supposed to love and support our family, right? My mom says otherwise. Mom says that just because you’re born to a certain group of people, it doesn’t make them family. It just happens to be the people who’s lives you were born into. “Family is made, not bred” my mother said. Which gave me the permission I needed to extricate myself from people who although are genetically related to me, really weren’t doing anything more than causing me pain and holding me back. “Sorry, gotta go. I’m on a journey and you aren’t willing to come with me, so while the visit was nice, it’s time to move on!”
10. Figure out what kind of eggs you like!
In the movie Runaway Bride, America’s Global Sweetheart, Julia Roberts, plays Maggie. A woman who spends so many years trying to please everyone else, she doesn’t even know what kind of eggs she likes – much less who she wants to marry or what kind of wedding she wants. Not until she meets Richard Gere, who forces her to take a serious look at her life, her decisions and herself. Not until he demands that she show him who she is, not who she thinks he wants her to be! I asked this question on Tuesday evening, how on earth can you expect anyone in the world to know, accept and love you, if you don’t even know who you are? So. Here’s your challenge. Find out what kind of eggs you like!
Eggs don’t define who we are, but like Maggie I had to take a moment, and taste all the various kinds of eggs the world has to offer, before I realized I love sunny side up, with just the tiniest bit of crispiness, on the bottom! That one that moment, was the beginning of a life long journey in discovering who I am, who I could be, and who I was always meant to be.
Meditation, working out, yoga, all of these are various kinds of spending individual time with yourself, that will help you on your road to moving from being a victim, to being a survivor. You’ll have to decide and play with what works best for you but I honestly promise if you try even one of these suggestions, you’ll open that door that you locked so long ago. If you can get open even just a crack, and see the light that you’re hiding from out of fear and shame, I promise you it will get better. But before anything can better, you have to decide….do you want to be happy?
And while your at it, take this fantastic love quiz from my friend Diane, I promise you it has legit changed my life!
If this resonates with you, and you’ve used some of these tips on your journey or you have other ideas, please share them in the comments below.
Sending you all my love, in hopes you’ll spread it around,
Devon J Hall