I can’t believe I have to say this shit again, however clearly we need to have this conversation again, because some of you just do not fucking get it. Equality for All means that every body – every human, male female and those of you who haven’t decided yet, have the exact same rights as everyone else.
This was posted on my twitter stream today and I have to tell you that it pisses me off to no end. The fact that men feel as if they can’t come out and say “Yeah that’s happened to me. Yes I was sexually abused” pisses me off. Mostly because as a former victim and current survivor I know exactly how that feels.
I have come across more than one woman who deny that men can be sexually abused. Yes, honey they can. Just because a man saying no to sex is rare, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
There are millions of men in professional sports who have been sexually abused by coaches, and yes it’s rare for them to come out and talk about it but it happens.
I firmly believe that we need to teach our sons how to treat our daughters, but we also need to teach them how to treat our sons. Sex abuse is never okay. It is never acceptable. If I have to say it until I take my last breath I will.
Ladies we have some very special and beautiful men in this world who detest sexual abuse and who will stand up and defend you until they take their last breaths so now we have to show them all that we stand with them too.
I am confounded as to why we refuse, we absolutely totally and completely refuse to talk about sexual abuse.
For thousands of years human beings have taken advantage of the most innocent, the most pure, the most vulnerable and the truth is that it won’t end until we as a human race decide that we’ve had enough.
My friend Nero asked me yesterday why I think I would make a bad mother. I made a flippant comment about not being ready but the truth is that I am petrified to raise a child in this world today. You couldn’t pay me to have a child right now.
I’ve been thinking about this quote for nearly every day of my life. It reminds me that we as humans are supposed to take care of each other. That we’re supposed to love and cherish each unique identity that we come across. It breaks my heart to know without a shadow of a doubt that there is a young boy somewhere at this exact moment being molested or raped as you read this – one day he’s going to look for someone to help him, will you be there? Or will you snort, scoff and say “Men don’t get sexually abused.”
Yes bitch, they do. How dare you in your privileged womanhood say otherwise? You know who I’m talking to. Your kind of woman disgusts me. You make me want to throw up because the moment any man says that a woman wasn’t really raped every woman on the planet races to her aid.
“Consent goes for all people. I teach about the sexual abuse of men, the most ridiculed are the men who are attacked by women, very often disbelieved and mocked. Men attacked by other men have lost wives who suspect they are gay. All victims also under report for reasons given here. There are few supports for women and even fewer for men. Oh, and I am a lifelong feminist.”
Professor Jen Marchbank,
Professor of Women’s Studies, SFU, BC Canada
When men admit to being raped or molested they are scoffed at, called weak, pathetic, told to suck it up. I actually heard a woman’s right activist say once “It’s not as bad for men as it is for women” Um excuse me, who the fuck are you to decide that? I would wage a bet that considering how we treat men it’s probably worse when a man is abused or raped because they have no one to talk to.
They don’t get hugged and told it wasn’t their fault, not often. They don’t have men’s rights groups that stand up and say enough is enough or take back the dark.
“When a man is raped it’s not as bad. ”
That’s a dangerous precedent you’re setting there. You’re telling little boys and young men that they are not valued as much as women and that’s exactly the argument women have been fighting against for hundreds of thousands of years.
Either we are all equal or none are equal. You cannot have it both ways. YOU the activist, the feminist will either stand up for HUMAN rights or I will respectfully ask you to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. You’re wasting valuable time.
I am so tired of people segregating themselves based on color, gender identity, race, religion and political stance. From here on out let’s make a deal shall we? Let’s just treat each other the way we want to be treated. Let’s learn about other cultures, respect them, and cherish them before it’s too late.
We have a nasty habit of pretending that people mattered after they are dead, instead of caring about them while they are alive.
The art world knows this like no other. Many very beautiful pieces of art have been sold after an artist dies, for millions. Meanwhile the artist in question often lived a life of drug abuse and poverty.
We’re doing it wrong people!
For most of his adult life, Corey Haim was largely ignored, and yet when he died all of Hollywood came out to talk about how sad and horrible that such a talented young man had chosen to take his own life.
No mother fucker, he didn’t choose suicide, he thought it was the only solution because for years he cried out for help and the people that could have listened chose not to.
Hollywood matches the Catholic church in number of children per year that are sexually abused and yet no one seems to care. It to this day remains “Hollywood’s Dark Secret”
Those of us who want to become famous writers/authors/artists/actors etc are not supposed to talk about it. We’re supposed to pretend that it’s not happening.
Corey Feldman is often called crazy, insane and other not so nice names because he has chosen to talk about it – excluding a few key details for fear of his own safety.
Whenever he says “I cannot say because I am afraid” people laugh at him. They full blown laugh at him and say he’s doing it for attention.
How many more young talented men have to die until we decide that enough is enough? And before all you Feminists go apeshit on me, fuck off right fucking now. I don’t want to hear it. When a woman asks for help the police, the government agencies, hell the government itself will get involved if you scream loud enough.
When men cry out for help they are largely ignored. So again I say. Equality for everyone. If you do not agree that men and women have a lot in common when it comes to sexual abuse than you’re doing it wrong.
So yes if during a night of drinking you blackout and wake up in the bed of a woman you don’t know and she’s fully aware of what happened but you are not, yes gentlemen it is in fact rape. It’s not okay, and yes Sir, you absolutely can go to the police and demand that the woman be charged. At the very least you need to talk about it, with someone.
It’s not enough to say “The man has to be in charge” no mother fucker, no. Your partner has just as much responsibility as you do. No man will ever say “yeah so I went out drinking one night and ended up in this bed and I have no idea how I got there” because they know damn well they will be largely ignored and shamed.
Let me tell you about my friend Blake*
Blake once told me that he had slept over at his girlfriend’s place quite often. One night after she had gone to work, her teenage daughter about seventeen or so, put something in his food. He to this day doesn’t know what it is, in any case, she waited until he passed out, tied him up on her mothers bed and proceeded to have sex with him. The next day when he woke up he tried to explain it to his girlfriend, but of course the girl lied and he was arrested and charged with sex crimes.
Please stop being surprised when men come out to admit to being victims of sexual abuse, molestation and rape. Instead try being supportive, loving and considerate of how much fucking harder it is, and let them know you will stand by them no matter what.
As it turns out that girl is now a stripper and a dominatrix by trade. Go figure.
I’m all for the sexual revolution and evolution of women, you know that. I also think though we need to start having serious conversations with our sons. It’s past time that we tell them that they have the right to say no, that their bodies and their souls and feelings are just as important as women.
As it is more often than not men who have been sexually abused and raped end up addicted to drugs and homeless, or in the very heart breaking case of Corey Haim, dead.
I would say about 40% of the men I worked with at one time or another where victims of early childhood sexual abuse in one form or another, before they reached twenty-one. The fact that they had nowhere to go and no one to help them led them to a life of escapism, using drugs and alcohol to hide their pain and shame, until it was too late.
Equality should be about ALL humans, not just the ones you consider worthy.
All my love,
Devon J Hall
The following are articles with lists of men and women who have famously come out to talk about their own experiences with rape.
click here for more stats on Rape and Sexual Assault
If you or someone you know has been a victim of rape or abuse you can This website has a great list of places to go for help.
**Blake is not the man in the photo holding the sign
*Blake’s name has obviously been changed to protect his identity.