If you know nothing about me, know first and foremost that I cherish my friends. My friends whether they are someone I’ve met in person or someone who lives on the other side of the planet, are the people who inspire me. Who push me to work harder so that one day I can go have my adventures in all the places that I’ve heard about.
Which is why when several years ago as one would be friend confided into me that she is a Slave who refers to her life partner as Master I admit…something inside of me died a little bit.
I have to tell you that when Lina first told me she was a slave I wasn’t thinking about her or her wellbeing. I was thinking about the hundreds of thousands of women and men who had spent generations fighting for the rights and freedoms of women. My second thought was that any man who needed to be called Master was clearly an abusive prick with an ego complex.
Even with all that I am and all that I understand about human beings and human behavior I had to seriously stop and ask why in the fuck in this day and age when women had fought so hard to be free from oppression, any one female would want to be a Slave. “Because I can” she said quietly.
Now before I go further I want to tell you about Lina, she is strong and kind and beautiful and she’s not easily beaten down and kicked around. She’s got a spine on her, and she has absolutely no problem telling people where to shove it. Which is how she began to tear down the wall that “I” put between us.
When I first met her our mutual friend told me how wonderful she was and while I have learned over the years that Lina is not only wonderful she’s also one of the sweetest people I know – we both knew that in the back of my mind, no matter how many times I’d pretend to be happy to see her, in reality I was wondering if I could save her.
It was only a few days ago after having spent several weeks actually talking to her life partner Shen, that I realized Lina doesn’t need saving. She’s in a wonderful relationship with a man that not only respects her as a woman but as the woman he plans to spend the rest of his life with. These are two people that are genuinely in love. And do you know what made me open my mind?
Shen and I had had a conversation about cooking of all things! He told me one evening in our favorite chatroom that he was waiting for her to come home so that dinner could start as he was quite hungry. I laughed and said “is she going to cook something wonderful for you?” I assumed wrongly that as his slave Lina did everything while he lazily sat around. “We’re going to cook dinner together.” He responded calmly.
You see like Lina, Shen is used to people making assumptions on his relationship and I do not mind admitting that it was a backhanded slap at my backhanded insulting comment. I admit my surprise and I told them both this. It was that one sentence that made me realize that their relationship is no different than a husband and a wife.
I told this to Lina that her Master had surprised me, and I explained that over the years I’ve kept my judgements quiet but that I’ve been making them in spades. “I’m used to it she said.” Then I told her that I was grateful to the both of them. “Why?” She asked me.
“Because I learned that not all men are abusive. Because you’ve been patient with me while I’ve tried to wrap my head around something that I did not understand.”
Shen and I have spent several hours talking about BDSM, relationships the importance of a Dominant who respects and cherishes his submissive. I learned that Shen is a very kind man, a very gentle soul who cares about the wellbeing of his friends and the ones he considers worthy of his time. He doesn’t speak often – in fact he spends a great deal of time listening and watching. Speaking only when necessary.
When I’ve needed him to back me up while defending myself against some rather not so nice guys, Shen has spoken up. When I needed him to answer a question or give advice he’s done so. Shen has become someone that I respect and as I write this tears are threatening to fall because I realize that for so many years I judged a person without every getting to know him because of my own fears and misunderstandings based on my own experiences.
Do you know what Shen and Lina would say? They would smile at me and say “it’ okay. We understand and we love you anyways.” I am writing this to you because understanding and learning to respect these two people that I have genuinely come to care about has taught me a lot about the way that I look at the world, and at relationships.
I may never find myself being a slave – and I wonder often after years being involved in the world of KINK if even being a submissive is something I could ever return to and yet I find a higher understanding in myself now than I had just a week ago.
So it is with all of the love in my heart that I again thank Shen and Lina for sharing their relationship with me, for helping me to understand and more importantly for being patient with me over the years. You both could have been incredibly angry at my judgements and instead you chose the path of kindness and education. That’s a lesson I won’t soon forget.
I look forward to the day that Lina finally writes her first book based on their relationship. It’s been a hard road for these two beautiful people and I get to be a footnote of that journey and I couldn’t be prouder that I get to call these two wonderful people my friends. Thank you again.
All my love,
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