How many times have you stopped and whispered “I wish….” or “If only…”? What about when you say a prayer? No matter what your religion or creed we all stop at some point in time and ask the universe for something. Some of you may ask God or the Goddess, others may ask Krishna or Allah…whatever word you use to label it the intent is the same right?
When we pray we do so because we want to ask the Universe or God, or Allah for something. To enrich our lives somehow. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. When I was twelve I saw a movie called “Teen Witch” it was cheesy and silly and yet at the same time I remember thinking about how cool life would be if I had magical powers.
A few weeks after my thirteenth birthday a girl came to school and started talking about Witchcraft. She told anyone and everyone who would listen that she was a witch. She was more like Nancy Downs from the Craft, as opposed to Sarah Bailey.
I look back now however and I wonder if the universe was trying to point me towards that direction. Perhaps the Universe was showing me which path to take. I had this conversation with KellyBestie – part best friend, part mental health counselor, all best friend – last night.
It occurred to me that several weeks ago as I sat inside a Catholic Cathedral silently telling all of my woes and ailments to the cross that hung above me. I realized that I have a lot of anger towards God, for the things I’ve been through, the pains I’ve suffered.
I even cried which both surprised and pissed me off – I didn’t want to cry. I also felt a warm hand on my shoulder, and yet when I turned around no one was there. I ended up going to speak to a Priest and telling him why I’d left the church, explaining my anger at the Church and at God and about my desire to return the Church one day.
As I sat there telling this father I needed some Spiritual Guidance, he told me that if I truly wanted to return to the church I needed to confess my sins and that would be that.
I sat there thinking about how I’d just poured my heart out to this total stranger begging him to offer me some spiritual guidance, asking for some direction and his only response was to tell me to go to another church and confess my sins and then I would be free to return to the fold.
I was angry but as I stomped home towards Surrey I started to consider. What if what another Pastor had told me years ago was true? What if God was showing himself to me in such a way that he knew I’d be willing to accept?
What if everything I had been through my entire life was because I asked for it? Over the years I’ve considered the things that I’ve asked from the Gods – Strength, Wisdom, Power…When I stop to think about all of the things that I have been through I realize now that I am strong, and yes I am wise. I have learned a lot through the things that I suffered and while life is not perfect at this moment in time, I am happier in all reality than I have ever been before.So what if just for a moment we took stock of our lives, looked around at all the things we’ve been through and stopped to realize that perhaps things do not happen to us – perhaps we chose these particular lessons to get us to the place we need to be in at this moment in time?
It is said that God works in mysterious ways, so who am I to say that God does not still have a hand in my life? Maybe..I don’t need the church…maybe I just need to open my heart to the idea that God is in fact in the rain and the sun, in the pain and the joys, in the hurt and the love. What do you think?