Dear Sex Workers, You’re Not Wrong

cqujoakweaesxwoThe world has never been a friendly place for women. Recently I wrote a post called “Keep Your Laws off My Vagina” but I feel there is more to say, so rather than edit it or add to it I thought I’d just keep sharing this thought.

Over the years I have had many different kinds of friends. I’ve had racist friends, anarchist friends, homophobic friends and atheist friends.

I really do see things in all of these people that I think are worth loving, but with the new American Regime I am seeing a terrifying trend. A trend that has forced me to take a serious look at the kind of people that would support the marginalization of any human.

Women of Color, people in the Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual and Queer community – men and women are afraid.

They are afraid because they are losing their health insurance, they are afraid because they are being marginalized and it seems that no matter how many voices speak up no one is listening.

screenshot_6Just now before I started writing I saw this posted on Twitter.

It startled me because for as long as I can remember the only sex workers I’ve ever known are women who live on the street. They sell themselves so that they can afford drugs, or food.

I never really stopped to think about the women who do it as a job because they enjoy it. Or for the thousands of other reasons women have sex for money.

This isn’t a new industry. As long as there have been men on this earth there have been women who sell their bodies for money, or gifts.

Some of the kindest, nicest most inspiring women I’ve met recently also happen to be sex workers.

There is an envy that I have for these women. For their confidence, their bravery and their ability to put themselves out there for this industry that is incredibly dangerous.

I’m not just talking about women who have sex for money in their bedrooms, I am talking about Strippers, Porn Stars, Escorts. All of you. I think you are all fucking amazing.
I have seen the way that men look at you, as if you are meat for their dinner. I have seen and heard the way they talk about you. It is not with respect.

No woman deserves to be degraded or insulted, no woman deserves to have their rights stripped away.

It’s not okay for every company on the planet to use sex to sell their product then degrade and diminish the rights of those who’s product is sex. 


Yes there are a thousand different things you could do to earn money. You could go back to college, you could get a job in an office but we both know that either those things are not feasible for you right now or they are not conducive to your lifestyle. Nor is working in an office going to make you the kind of money you can make getting naked and stripping down.

I think the reason that so many people (women specifically) hate the idea of others selling their bodies is because of the perceived intimacy it creates.

For most sex workers a man is just another John. He’s just a guy who wants her attention, her body and her smiles and laughter to take his mind of whatever it is he’s wanting to escape.

jealousyI admit I look at these beautiful women with open jealousy however.

What do you have that I don’t? Why is he willing to pay you for sex when he can’t even pick up the phone and call me? Am I too demanding? am I not good enough? The thing I sometimes forget is that what happens between a sex worker and her client is not about me.

It’s not about what I do or don’t do. I’ve known men who have hired sex workers, and yes I’ve laughed at them. To be fair I was in my twenties and far less worldly than I am now.

When I think back to a specific friend I know who has in fact hired sex workers I think about what I know of his situation.

He was lonely, he had few friends and even fewer family. He hid his secret by using hotels and often times when he wanted to reach out to women he was denied their attentions, either because of how he looked or his inability to connect with the opposite sex.

I think about the fact that if I’d actually just taken the time to ask him how he was doing I may have fallen in love with a great guy instead of losing a really amazing friend.

There are a million reasons that men go to sex workers – the least of which is actually sex. Sometimes they just want to try something they are afraid to try at home.

Perhaps it’s time to have a serious conversation with your significant others. Perhaps it’s time to have a serious conversation with yourself.

Outlawing sex work – making it harder for these women to achieve their goals or pay their bills isn’t saving their lives. It’s forcing them to take far more dangerous paths towards being able to do a job that at it’s core really shouldn’t bother you.

If a single man wants to hire a sex worker to spend a few hours a day/week/month/year with what fucking business is it of yours?

woyWay back when the Ashley Madison hack came out I was convinced that it was a good thing. I never stopped to consider how may men and women had to hide themselves in order to fulfill their basic needs.

Nothing in the world is sadder than someone being shamed into hiding their true selves for the comfort of someone else.

What happens between two people, no matter their sex, orientation, creed, nationality, size, color or yes even their job title is none of your fucking business. It’s time.

We need to protect our sex workers, not because we like or dislike sex work but because I would rather the hundreds of thousands of men and women who sell their bodies for the enjoyment of others each year are safe.

I would rather they feel safe and comfortable than risk rape or worse in order to make ends meet.

Time to stop focusing on the little stuff and start focusing on the bigger picture. You don’t have to like these women, you don’t have to talk to them or interact with them but you have no right to force them into situations that are dangerous and detrimental to their lives or livelihood.

There will always for as long as there are men and women on this earth be sex workers, so it is long past time we start making it a legalized protected industry that is safe for all concerned.

Just imagine governments how much money you’d make if you started taxing this industry. Billions in the first year alone.

All my love



2 thoughts on “Dear Sex Workers, You’re Not Wrong

  1. Any black market, whatever the commodity or service, inevitably puts both sellers and buyers at risk. There is no way around that fact.

    And, there is this observation from Robert Heinlein:

    “A whore should be judged by the same criteria as other professionals offering services for pay — such as dentists, lawyers, hairdressers, physicians, plumbers, etc. Is she professionally competent? Does she give good measure? Is she honest with her clients?
    It is possible that the percentage of honest and competent whores is higher than that of plumbers and much higher than that of lawyers. And enormously higher than that of professors.”

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