I have not been in the best spirits recently. Christmas has always been work for me. For the last so many years I can’t even remember, been working.
This is the first year I will spend Christmas eve at home with friends and family, not working and it’s made me really quite sad. I’ve lost a lot of people I love during the holidays, just recently cut ties with a friend I actually adore.
A lot of good things have happened this year too. I got incredibly ill with Anemia – which shouldn’t have made me as sick as it did. A result of working too hard and not taking care of myself. I’ve gotten better slowly but surely I am getting better.
I’ve met a very handsome man I might tell you guys about one day.
Last year my friend Brea gave birth to a child but lost her life. This year my friends Hig and his beautiful wife Kylie welcomed a brand new baby boy into this world.
Barrett Brown has been released from Prison this year but Jeremy is still there.
Yeah I’ve lost and walked away from some good people over the last year or two – people I love but don’t necessarily love me. However I’ve met some very beautiful strong empowering inspiring women from all over the globe.
Twenty Sixteen has been a very strange year for us. Globally, Psychologically and Politically this has been one seriously fucked up year. I think one of the reasons that so many people my age are shaking their heads in disbelief this year is that we’re coming to terms with the fact that we are now the adults.
We are now responsible for the world. We are now creating this weird global, psychological and political energy and we’re in charge of what happens next. We aren’t in our twenty’s any more. We’re getting married, having babies and realizing that our parent’s are no longer responsible. Their work is done and ours is just beginning.
Today for some strange reason I started thinking about Anonymous. Many of the men and women I knew just a few years ago were begging for change, and now these very same people are supporting Trump. I don’t know if this means they are showing their true colors or if they are just being e-trolls for attention, but I do know I’m staring at the abyss and the abyss is now staring back.
I do know realize more than ever what Christmas is about.
As a child I thought it was about food and presents and Santa. Even when I worked at SUMS I was all about making sure each child had a happy holiday. That each parent went home knowing that even though they couldn’t provide all the pretty baubles for their child, they had brought these children to a place that could help. To one of several places that could and did help.
I know that I indirectly and in some cases directly have helped a lot of people over the years and no I’m not tooting my own horn here I am instead being appreciative of the fact that I have to the best of my ability, mostly, tried to do better by those around me. I’ve done some good work over the years and I am grateful for that.
Last night I was watching a Christmas movie about a man who was receiving 12 anonymous Santa gifts. Each one designed to remind him of how much he used to love Christmas. One of the gifts told him to serve a meal at a Church.
That part of the movie broke my heart. For more then ten years I worked in a place full of sexism, racism, victim shaming and was even once sexually abused by a volunteer. I worked in this place keeping my mouth shut because I knew the work I was doing was more important then the bullshit we had to put up with.
Now I am not doing that any more. I’m playing at being a writer – when in reality for the moment, I am a blogger. I’m okay with this but I am I admit, sad that this year I will not be gathering up hundreds of toys to give away to children who wouldn’t otherwise receive them. I worry that these kids will go without and I pray that they won’t.
I am sad that I will not get to, after a day of hard work and stressing to make sure each child gets their dream gift, be able to sit down and have a meal with someone who doesn’t have someone to spend Christmas with.
I am saddened by this but more so I think I am sad about all the men, women and children who just don’t get to have Christmas. Those that don’t get to celebrate because for them every day is hours upon hours of just trying to survive.
I am thinking about you. The men and women in Service to their Country, State and Cities. Those of you who today watched someone you know or love shot or blown up. I am thinking of the men women and children of Aleppo who no longer have any where to go. To call home.
I am thinking about the men and women in jail systems who didn’t have anyone to say “I love you.” I am thinking about children behind bars, and children living in a zone filled with war.
I am even going to say a prayer for Donald Trump. That somewhere, some courageous gentle soul has the courage and the strength to reach him and show him that Might is not always the way to success.
I am praying and wishing that anyone who is sad, scared or lonely finds someone, anyone to say “Hey I’m here, wanna go for coffee?”
I am thinking of my beautiful friends around the world from Canada to Australia, men and women alike who I know I’ll probably never meet. I am thinking about every man woman and child on earth this holiday season and I have a few wishes for you.
I wish that you find something to make you laugh.
I wish you find someone who will give you a hug and say “I see you, I love you.”
I am wishing that you find someone who needs a hug, who needs to hear “I love you.”
I am praying that you find something or someone to serve this holiday season.
Finally I am praying that you find something bigger than yourself to serve. Something that inspires you to do better, be better, to help you find a strength that you didn’t know you have.
I know that it isn’t much but this year it’s really all I have to offer. It’s all I have to give.
Tonight I am asking all my readers to light a candle. Any candle, any color, just light a candle ask your readers to light a candle on Christmas Eve. Let us all light a Candle, because from what I can see, this world is going to need all the light it can get.
Who will you be lighting a candle for? What do you wish for this Christmas? If you do light a candle I’d really love to see it so please do leave some pix in the comments below and I’ll post em on my Facebook and Twitter Pages.
With all my love,