For the Ladies

I’ve been posting (bitching) recently about my health issues over Twitter.

Like a Ninja Yheela appeared out of literally no where to offer myheelae encouragement and support so as a very tiny thank you I made her this:

I made a few for The Sisterhood project, I made one for Laura and of course myself. I made it because frankly I just think the art work is stunning. (You can find more under the link bar for the original Artist)

A few weeks ago I told Yheela or Jenny that I would write a post for her because as I was bitching about my health Jenny was having a hard time just trying to focus her brain to write.

Like Jenny I sometimes feel guilty because I do a lot of sleeping lately. I feel guilty for not being able to step up and do the basic things everyone else takes for granted. I am of course physically capable of taking out the trash or washing the dishes but to be perfectly honest with you standing for more then five minutes or so exhausts me to my very core.

Like me, Jenny is tired a lot and this tiredness can make us feel guilt, shame and weave around us a vortex of depression that is so hard to come away from. People literary die from feeling guilt or shame.

Women today have a lot more freedoms than ever before but we also have a lot more expectations than ever before. Expectations we place upon ourselves.

We’re supposed to be strong, beautiful, smart, creative, fun, attentive, talented in the kitchen, the office and the bedroom while simultaneously taking care of everyone around us and raising children.

Bloody hell that’s a long list and I’m not even sure it is complete.

We as women tear each other down instead of lifting each other up so Jenny here is your lift up.

It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to know you should be writing even though you don’t feel like it. And it’s equally okay to look at your works in progress and say “Fuck it, not in the mood today.” The writing God’s will forgive you.

However with all that being said I have some suggestions for you, for all of us that may help with the whole taking care of you think that too many women never do enough.

  • Buy Candles. Lots of candles. Candle’s make everything sexier, prettier and warmer. You can get them by the hundreds at the Dollar store and some of the dollar store candles are really quite beautiful.
  • Make your “me time” matter. We sometimes get so busy with life we sometimes think taking a shower or a bath has to be something we just do to get ready for the day. I call bullshit. I have a little radio in my bathroom and a couple of small candles. I sit under the shower and pretend I’m somewhere exotic. I dance, I sing and I refuse to let any human being or animal interrupt my private shower time. I have trained my family to recognize when the bathroom door closes, unless there is a fire or someone is dying, don’t bother me.
  • Monthly date night with the girls. Every once in awhile I plan a month in advance to go and have dinner and drinks with my girlfriends. Woe betide anyone who decides to interrupt this. It won’t work. I won’t let it. Phone calls are not allowed, texts are but only in case of emergency but no one is allowed to interfere with this ritual.
  • Create a space. The kids have a room, the husbands have their special place, and you share a room with said husband (wife/girlfriend/boyfriend whichever)? Whether it’s your balcony because you live in an apartment, or it’s a corner of the garden create a space that’s just for you. Make it pretty and special and make it your space to do whatever you want, whether it’s masturbate in private or work on your writing. Whichever wherever you decide to make your space, make it special.
  • Date night with yourself. When I had the energy I used to take myself once a month at least to Vancouver. I’d buy myself lunch, do some people watching and some writing. I’d sit in fancy restaurants and order a glass of wine (Jackson Triggs is a personal favorite.) I’d sometimes take my mp3 player and I’d tune out the world. Other times I would take in the sounds of my surroundings. Either way it was my turn and again, unless the world was burning the cellphone was usually ignored.
  • Get your hair and nails done. Not for a date, not for a partner, for yourself. Go get all dolled up, curl up in bed and read a book or watch your favorite tv show. You don’t have to look good just because you’re going out. Sometime’s it feels good just to look good for the sake of looking amazing.

These are just a few simple ways for us women to take care of ourselves. Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments below.

If you’d like to visit Jenny you can check out her work here:

All my Love

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