You Are At The Door of the Abyss

年 (Nian, Year)

There are many legends that are part of the Chinese culture. Many of them exemplify moral lessons, not so different from Aesop and his fables. One story in particular is the story of Chinese New Years.

Long ago in the mountains, there lived a horrible demon creature named Nian. Every year, on the first day of the year, the creature would awaken and descend upon the village. He would eat all the grain and livestock. And if there were any unfortunately children stuck outside, they would disappear.

The villagers lived in fear of this beast and boarded up their houses on this night to protect their families. One year, right before this event was to occur, an old man visited the village. He turned to the villagers and asked, “Why do you fear this creature such? You are many and he is but one. Surely he could not swallow all of you.”

But the villagers remained skeptical and locked themselves up anyway. That night, Nian did not come. The old man had ridden him until dawn and the creature went back to its cave hungry. This went on for several nights until the old man revealed, “I cannot protect you forever.”

He turned out to be a god and had to return to his duties elsewhere. The villagers were terrified that once the old man left, they would once again see Nian return.

So the old man informed them, “The beast is easily scared. He does not like the color red. He fears loud noises and strange creatures. So tonight, spread red across the village. Hang red signs on every door. Make loud noises with drums, music, and fireworks. And to protect your children, give them face masks and lanterns to protect them.”

The villagers did as the old man instructed and Nian never returned again.

In Chinese, the word for New Years is Guo Nian. Literally translated it means to “pass over Nian” or “overcome Nian”. That is exactly what the villagers did.

It has become a tradition that part of New Years celebration is to hang lots of red decoration in your house. Streets are filled with music, loud drums, and fireworks all day long. And special paper lanterns are made in a variety of shapes and sizes, paraded through the streets to scare off any demons that might come.

Thus ends the story of Chinese New Years or Guo Nian.

I hate the word Survivor.

I hate feeling like I’ve joined some elite club that is special not because of actual achievements but because I didn’t succeed in committing suicide.

I am a survivor because I didn’t turn my life upside down and become a street dwelling half human addicted to crack/meth/heroine. Fuckin’ Bully for me.

Literally that’s what defines me as a survivor. When people read my story they tell me how strong I am – they are impressed by how much I can actually handle.

When I hear or read someone tell me how strong I am I can almost feel something inside of me die a little more.

I’m not a survivor I’m just another woman who’s been through shit and is doing her best to help other women get through it by being kind and spreading love.

Which is why when I see shit like this  I get so fucking unbelievably angry.


Andrea Collins you make me sick and I am calling you out on it.

I’ve been molested, raped, beaten, kidnapped lost a child and nearly lost myself because of “having my PUSSY grabbed”.

First off if you’re going to wish sexual assault on someone at least have the bloody guts to spell the word properly. Let me help you out here, ready? it’s P.U.S.S.Y.

Secondly, do you have children? Have you ever been sexually abused? I’d like to say that I cannot believe someone who’s been sexually abused wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

However I don’t even know any more. I’ve always believed that quote about giving anyone the right to say anything because it’s a fundamental human right but Legacy was right.

Just because you can say something doesn’t mean you should. In case your confused this is one of those things you aren’t supposed to say.

Lately some people across the USA have been wearing safety pins. It’s a small reminder that if you are scared and alone – if you’re White/Black/LGBTQ/Muslim and you aren’t sure  who you can trust, if you see someone wearing a safety pin you will know they’re safe.

Good idea in theory, provided a predator doesn’t decide to pin one on.

How about instead of being forced to wear a secret symbol we all try something amazing? Instead of acting like we’re living in Nazi Germany why don’t we all just start treating each other with a little bit of fucking respect?!

How about instead of panicking we start fighting back with love?! Here’s what I suggest.

Have a party, even though it’s November. Invite all your neighbors over, every single one of them. Invite them into your home talk to them get to know them. Have their children play with your children.

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
– Friedrich Nietzsche

The Abyss is staring back at all of you right now and it’s asking you what you see. I’ll tell you what I see.

I see a bunch of idiots running around trying to scare people. I see my friend Shareen’s tires being slashed because some jackass finally feels like he has the man balls to do something he didn’t have the courage to do a month ago.

I see people screaming that the sky is falling so fucking loud and hard they are turning themselves into victims.

When I was raped my counselor took me to get my make up done. I almost feel sorry for her, she was new. Also…a brainless idiot, but aside she was doing what she thought would help make me feel better.

She was making an effort to give me my smile back – she didn’t know what to do and at the time no one really knew what to tell her.

Had she known me well at all she’d have taken me to a kick boxing class.

I cannot fathom ever being so angry I’d wish sexual assault on any one and I have to say were I ever that angry it would say a lot more about the kind of person I am than the person I am wishing evil upon.

I know that it’s not easy to welcome those you dislike into your homes, but I have to believe had Mr. Trump been shown any kindness as a child perhaps the man would be different today.

I know that had someone – anyone – taken an interest in me as a child – cared about the fact that I had been abused and taken for granted perhaps my life would be different today. Perhaps I’d be a model or I’d maybe be famous already. I sure as hell wouldn’t be living in poverty watching people I used to respect falling to the dark side.

The people who inspire me, who give me strength and courage letting fear take control of who they used to be.

The question remains? Will you allow the monster bringing fear to terrify you? To segregate you into who’s right vs who is wrong? You say you want Democracy and yet ironically if it had been Hillary who won it would be Trump’s supporters screaming “UNFAIR THIS IS NOT A DEMOCRACY” in the streets.

Both sides are saying they want the exact same thing.

Food on their tables, a roof over their head and great medical and educational care for their children. You all want Exactly The Same Thing   and yet not one of you is listening to the other. You’re all so busy running around screaming and yelling and trying to hurt someone before you get hurt you aren’t listening. Rule one in Witch Craft: Listen Much Speak Less!

So I ask you again.

When the Dust settles and the pages of history look back upon you what kind of human are you going to be?


2 thoughts on “You Are At The Door of the Abyss

  1. Fear truly is the mind killer. Worse, mated with rage, their child is hate. Only when we stop shouting and listen with our whole mind and heart do we hear the better angels of our nature, ours and our neighbor’s. The people of the legendary village overcame the demon by coming out together instead of locking themselves up in their separate houses.

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