Yup. I’m Divergent

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?

-Buddha

I do not fit into a box. Nor do I fit into a circle. I am one of those rare creatures still naive enough to believe that no matter what the darkness throws at me I will persevere. I will overcome.

I’ve been kidnapped, raped, beaten, thrown down stairs, punched, kicked, lost a child, lost my faith for awhile, nearly killed so many times I’ve lost count. Many of those things done by the same man.

I have seen what the darkness can do to a person. I have seen so many souls twisted and burned and hurt by the pain they’ve suffered at the hands of demons masquerading as humans.

Today I was told I have no right to claim my mother’s heritage because my skin is dark. I was also told I cannot claim my father’s heritage because my mother is white.

Yet again I am called “nothing” because I am mulatto.

I sat here tweeting out messages of love in response to the hate I was getting until one by one my haters stopped tweeting at me realizing they couldn’t tear me down.

For a moment I wondered why no one was standing up for me until I realized that it was because years ago I promised myself I would never ask nor expect anyone to take up the sword for me. I am not Cinderella, I can, I have and I will continue to save myself.

I do not need a man nor do I need a hoard of angry followers to scream foul at my being called half breed, Nigger or any other horrendous term you people can come up with.

I like many Witches, like many spiritualists heard a voice today.

“You are my daughter, I gave birth to your soul. They may hate you but I love you. You are mine and I am yours.” My Goddess, My Gods, they do not care about the color of my skin. Love has no color. True, unadulterated love, has no color and no shade. It is a forever flowing energy.

This is what keeps me grounded. It is the voice of my higher power that reminds me that not every human will love me, nor do they have to. I don’t expect everyone to love me, I guess I do hold onto the naive belief that I have the right to practice whatever religion I choose to practice so long as I am not causing harm to anyone.

I wasn’t surprised when the “N” word was used. I’ve been waiting for it for a very, very long time. I’ve been waiting to see someone who had the balls to come at me. I suppose it’s my own fault for being proud of my mother’s culture. For being proud of my fathers.

You see this is what they can’t understand. My pride.

I feel special because I am a half-breed. I am a mix of several beautiful cultures and strong linage of men and women who fought for their country. Who created, and loved. Some of my ancestors were healers, and seekers of knowledge like myself. Others were Warriors and Hunters. Others still were entertainers and skilled workmen, some were Psychics. I am so proud.

I am an English, Irish, Gypsy, Scottish Jamaican Woman living in Canada Practitioner of Witch Craft lover of humanity, believer in the idea that we are failing but can always do better.

My last name is “Hallgate” My Grandfather used to tell me that meant we were “Keepers of the Hall” The first protectors of the Queen – I don’t know how true that is, but I hold onto it because my Grandfather was proud of his heritage.

Before he died My grandfather climbed Machu Pechu. It was his childhood dream – something he worked his whole life to be able to achieve. He climbed mountains, traveled the world and spent his entire life working so his body would be able to make that climb.

10 days before he died he achieved that dream.

My childhood dream was to go to Athens Greece and walk in the steps of the Gods. My dream today?  Much simpler.

My dream today is to go to Machu Pechu and walk in the footsteps of my grandfather.  To stand where he stood, to see what he saw and to feel a connection to a white man who looked at me with eyes filled with pride and love. This was an English Gypsy who looked at his black grandchildren with joy – he didn’t see our color and he made damned sure that no one else did either.

He never once talked about the color of our skin, it didn’t matter to him. Every Christmas we sat with him under the tree, at first talking school and toys and eventually politics and news. My grandfather taught me a lot about how the world works.

He told me once that not everyone was going to love me, but as long as I loved myself that’s all that matters, and he was right. I do love myself.

Not as much as I should, not as much as I deserve to but I am learning to.

I’ve been lucky that I’ve only had to deal with racism a handful of times – having it come from a bunch of nameless strangers certainly doesn’t hurt me.

My friend Dianne (From Elevate Love – an amazing website btw) told me the other day that I need to work on my “Root Chakra”.

Located at the base of the spine, the pelvic floor, and the first three vertebrae, the root chakra is responsible for your sense of safety and security on this earthly journey.

http://www.chopra.com/

She hit the nail on the head. I do not always feel safe and secure. In fact very rarely around the people I love most – with the exceptions of my friends KellyBestie and Ryde do I ever feel safe and secure.

With the exception of those two, I always notice when I am the only black person at the table, in the office, at the gala. At Pride.

I notice when I am the only black person in the room and I Notice when all the other black people do their best to fit in by letting their friends call them Nigger. I notice when they allow and laugh at the racist jokes and I shake my head in wonder. I keep my mouth shut because it’s not my place to tell people what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.

I keep my mouth shut when I hear people talk about my “big black booty” as if it’s okay because it is easier to stay silent then speak up.

I have exactly two friends in my every day life. KellieBestie and Ryde. Two people that I can call on at any time day or night when I am in need and I cherish these friendships far more than anyone will ever know.

You hate me because I am a Witch

You hate me because I am Black

You hate me because I speak out

You hate me because I am white

You hate me because I don’t speak up

No matter what I do,

What I don’t do

You will hate me.

I’ve learned to accept this.

Last night when I was meditating I had this amazing vision of a rotating ying-yang symbol made of souls. The symbol was rotating and some souls would move between the two sides and others stayed in the middle, while others stayed in their preferred side.

It was an amazing example  from my higher power to me about how the world works. Some of us are all filled with light, some of us are swimming with darkness, and others still are content to live somewhere in the middle.

I’d say that I live in the middle though I am working hard to find that connection to the self that all Witches proclaim to seek.

Witches, true Witches at their nature are healers, teachers, warriors, friends, lovers, mothers, bringers of hope.

I am not perfect, and I will continue to live my life as I have been, helping where I can, giving love when I am able, taking it when I need to and doing my best to live as if the world were as it should be to show it what it can be.

If that makes me worth hating, then by all means. May your hate swallow you up.

May you find the light, and the love, so freely offered by my Higher Power, the same you claim to share.

If on the other hand you are like me and are in fact Divergent, welcome to the club.

With all my genuine love

Devon Hallgate,

Keeper of the Hall

Advertisements

Comments are closed.