September 11th

I have always believed that Religion was something that was supposed to bring people closer together. It is only now, at the age of 33 that I am beginning to realize that the perversion of Religion and Religious thought is something that in a very real way is something that more often than not tears people apart instead of bringing them together.

There is not one person on this planet not affected by the numbers 9-11.

Whether it is because you simply remember the day and you take a moment to remember what happened on this day 15 years ago, or because you lost a loved one.

On this day 15 years ago, 9/11/2001 millions of people in New York City and around the globe watched as air planes went flying into the impenetrable country. The one country in the world (besides Canada) that no one ever thought would or could be attacked.

In a way I will never be able to express in words – as I was not there – the world was altered in a way that we will never escape.

From the moment the first plane touched down these men became martyrs to their cause. They became hero’s in the eyes of those who hate the very thing the western world stands for.

We are no longer free to come and go as we please. For the rest of time the Muslim people will be looked at as the enemy, born here or not.

We are forced to go through security checks upon security checks – our shoes removed because we might be wearing a bomb in our toes.

This is a day that brings tears to my eyes today.

It did not always however.

I will never forget being in my condo with my mom at eighteen years old when she woke me up to tell me.

I remember being so shocked I waved it off – I think I was pretending when I said it was no big deal. At the time it didn’t occur to me what a huge deal it was.

It wasn’t until I saw the faces the screaming heart breaking fear on the faces of those trying to escape the smoke, the fire, jumping from the towers as if somehow that would save their lives.

People – human beings – human lives – hanging from broken windows on buildings already falling over.

I think about the thousands of lives lost and the millions billions of lives affected.

Today it makes me cry – it makes me sad and angry and sick to my stomach.

Today it makes me thank the Goddess that I live in Canada. It also makes me aware that if it could happen in the “Greatest Country in the World” then it could happen here in Canada too.

Today those of us not in New York – those of us who do not have friends or family directly involved – we take pleasure in our every day moments but we do not always take time to be grateful.

We’re so busy every day with what we need or want, that we don’t always have the time to really, truly appriciate how lucky we are.

I do.

Today, fifteen years later. It has finally hit me. It has finally hit me that with everything I’ve been through, I don’t have the memories of that day.

There are support groups, and there are people who have connected with each other out of a need to support and love those that understand – but the rest of us? We can never understand. We weren’t there.

We try, we nod and smile and say “yes what a tragedy, how horrible that day was” but we’ll never truly understand.

I cannot be sorry for that. I am not sorry I wasn’t there. I wouldn’t have wished that kind of horror on my worst enemy.

Out there in this world, somewhere hiding in a hole is a man – is a group of men who revel in what happened. Who will laugh about it and drink and celebrate today as the day the West was hurt.

I do not wish death upon those people – I pity them. I pity them because once they too were innocent children.

Born and bred into a society filled with hatred and fear, abuse and psychosis. I feel for them because they have souls – twisted and dark demented souls – but they are humans too. I feel for them because they will never understand how wonderful life can be.

They will never understand how special and amazing our cultures are because they’ve never experienced love.

I feel for the victims of 9/11. Every American man woman and child who was affected by that day.

I cannot change it I cannot do anything to make it better or make it go away, but you are all in my thoughts.

You are in my prayers.

I am praying tonight for the men and children and women who made it out alive but didn’t make it out to live.

I am thinking of the police officers, the fire men, the medical staff who saw thousands of dead bodies. The innocents.

Who hid the demons they found on 9/11 with drugs and alcohol – who escaped into the darkness because the darkness was the only place that held any solace.

I am thinking of the never ending war between good and evil. The darkness left a hole in the center of New York City – it’s been covered up and made pretty but it certainly not gone.

It’s a scar that will never fade or dissapear or vanish.

I pray for every soul tonight. I will go to sleep fresh in my mind knowing love, having known love. I will sleep with the memory that no matter what I’ve been through or where I’ve been in my life I can go to sleep in a warm home in a comfy bed with my dog curled at my feet.

I will go to sleep knowing that my life is a life lived with all the good things and opportunities the universe has to offer.

I am blessed. It doesn’t make me feel good to know that the knowledge of these blessings I have come from watching so many others suffer at the hands of bad men who have never known love, but the knowledge is there none the less.

“I am sorry for your loss” doesn’t seem good enough.

Neither does “I am thinking of you.” I am however – I am thinking of all of you tonight, I am thinking of you and I won’t stop.

I will for the very rest of my life, live as if the world were what it should be to show it what it can be, in hopes that one day, somewhere down the line our children – our children’s children will get it right. Will end the pain and suffering our generation has caused.

With all my love, all my prayers,