When I first started Skin n Bones Global I will never forget the actual conversation that I had with a (now former) friend while shopping one day.
Me: So many pretty clothes. I can’t wait to try stuff on.
Her: I wish you were skinnier so you could wear the super sexy stuff.
Or another I had with a waitress at a nightclub one night
Me: Wow you look amazing.
Her: Well I work out, I mean you could look great too if you worked out…
Let me just say, fuck you both.
With everything I’ve gone through in my life time (Rapes kidnappings multiple abusers and so on) frankly my weight, and my looks are the last thing I wanted to think about.
I distinctly remember after I was raped the first time my counselor took me out to the Body Shop to get a make over. I spent the next few years doing everything I could to hide my looks in order to protect and insulate myself from further abuse. I didn’t see it at the time and it sure as fuck didn’t work but somewhere in my mind it was just one more level of protection.
Tonight I saw this tweet and I have to tell you it pissed me off.
I am putting you on blast Lexa. For the last several hours I have had the absolute joy of watching hundreds of people all over the world participate in #LilleysWish. An amazing mission to get the one and only Captain America himself @ChrisEvans to meet this amazing girl who is fighting a very rare form of cancer.
Let me tell you a little bit about what happens when you are fighting cancer.
You get sick. Emotionally, physically and mentally ill. You can lose weight from not being able to keep food down due to drugs and you can gain weight from the drugs. Most often called Water Weight. You lose your hair and you start to hate yourself and your life – this usually stems from depression. If you are lucky you have an amazing network supporting you but even me who has lost far too many people I love to cancer can never truly understand the pain and suffering victims of this varying disease go through.
Depression, Abuse, Anxiety, all kinds of factors of every day life can affect your weight.
My major problem is not the fact that I am fat. I can deal with that. I have an amazing online trainer who by the way is the coolest dude ever @SeanSeale (Upside Strength on Facebook please check it out) who inspires me every day and hundreds of others to deal with our weight in a healthy way. Not only have I been getting stronger after dealing with a seriously annoyingly bad bout of Anemia but because of Sean’s support I have been growing far more mentally strong.
I get it you work out. That’s awesome. You are confidant and beautiful and strong and you are proud of this as you should be. However why the fuck does you being proud of yourself, of your accomplishments mean that you have to tear down other people? What about you telling me I am fat and need to work out more or eat better makes you feel good about your life?
From where I sit that’s sad as hell. I have never once seen Sean make fun of or put someone down for being fat. Not only would it ruin his business but it would ruin him. Sean is amazing because he’s about inspiration not bullying. He’s phenomenal at what he does because he lifts people up instead of putting them down.
A month ago I said that John Cena managed to get back to fighting shape in 4 months and I promised myself that I would get to the point where I could begin working out in three months. I am almost there. Every day I am growing stronger and stronger because I am working really hard to remain positive.
I used to be very active. I played basketball, I played badminton, ran track and went running every night and I loved it.
What I didn’t know was that all that high pressure activity was slowly killing my heart. Even though we knew I had anemia we didn’t know how bad it was until this year. If they hadn’t caught it in time I was told it could have developed into heart disease which would have surely killed me.
I am super lucky that they caught it in time and that my doctors are so amazing. I am lucky that I Have a support network the globe wide that loves me and wants to see me reach my goals. That wants to see me get healthy and strong again.
Not everyone is. When you tweet out shit like that Lexa when you put people down for being over weight you are starting a butterfly affect that knows no bounds.
Someone who looks up to you may be starving themselves to look like you.
My friend Caroline gets called “Perfect” all the fucking time. I HATE that. She’s not perfect. She’s amazing and kind and beautiful and loving and I cherish every moment that I get to spend with her but she isn’t perfect and she should not be expected to live up to that stupid ridiculous notion. It puts a pressure on her that isn’t fair.
Demi Levato is also called perfect. She’s far from it. She like the rest of us is human. She’s beautiful and strong and inspiring and amazing, but she isn’t perfect.
What is perfect to you may not be perfect to someone else so do the world a favor and remember that Twitter is a privilege not a right.
The people that follow us, that believe in us, that look up to us want to be inspired, they want their thoughts provoked, they want to learn and converse and be challenged. They do not however need to be put down and told that they are less than you because they don’t fit your idea of perfect beauty.
The beautiful come in all shapes and sizes and we must remember that. We must remember in this digital age that when we have a voice when we use our voices we are talking to impressionable people whether we mean to or not we become a face for their inner most thoughts dreams wishes and hopes.
I have long believed that Celebrities have a responsibility to watch what they say and do because they have so much influence.
The same goes for the average human being. We have a responsibility to step up and be better than the bullies and the abusers. To lift each other up and say “hey I get it, you’re struggling but if you are willing to try I am willing to help you.”
It takes a lot less energy to say something nice, to be kind, to inspire than it does to tear people down.
So enough with this body shaming bullshit. Time to join #upsideFitness and be a part of a movement of people supporting each other, loving each other and giving each other hope. No more negativity. The world has enough of that don’t you think?
With all my love