I firmly believe that if you have ever been a victim you at a certain point have to decide if you will remain a victim or become a survivor. Some days you will be a warrior and other days you will slink back into your self victimization.
Whether it is because it is a comfortable safe warm place to be or not we all have aspects of self victimization.
“Why is everyone so mean to me?” “Why am I always the butt of the joke?” and on and on it goes.
The answer is as my friend Ace would say “Because you fucking choose to be.”
Ace for all his issues and problems successes and failures has never been a “victim” purely because he gets up every day and makes the choice not to be.
I do not tend to appriciate or gravitate towards those who pussy foot around the bullshit. I’d much rather you say what needs to be said and fucking deal with it. Which is probably why I appriciate when Ace writes his posts.
Whether he knows it or not when I read his recent posts I find inevitably something I relate to – information or knowledge or a life lesson that for that moment I needed to have spelled out for me.
I once told Ace that “I had fallen in love with the ghost of the man I created in my mind based on the man he let me see.” Or something ridiculously cheesy like that, but the point is that Ace is someone that I look up to.
I remember when I met him I was following some annoying child on Twitter who didn’t like him and was going “to hack him into a new world.” Or some such stupid shit. I remember thinking I liked the way that Ace laughed it off and told him to go for it. So I unfollowed one and followed the other.
That was a moment. It was a choice that I made that brought someone into my life (so to speak) who would go onto mentor inspire and kick me upside the back of the head when I need it.
You know what’s amazing? Ace has never once asked anything of me. He hasn’t ever asked me to be his friend, or send him nudes (no.) He’s never asked me to be there to support him or feel sorry for him especially now that his life in turmoil and he’s never expected that I would.
Ace is not my friend. Ace and I are not friends. I do not know the inner workings of his life, though he knows mine. I put all my shit out there on the internet, into the world and the universe and some people can’t understand why.
My reason is simple. Once I’ve written a post and published it that stress/drama/emotion/feeling vanishes and I no longer have to deal with it. Once I release it into the universe it is no longer my problem to deal with.
Ace’s posts are about things he’s had to deal with or life lessons he wants to share with the world – if by some chance you guys learn something by the shit I post here well that’s just a bonus.
This isn’t about Ace though or even about me. It’s about choices.
“I Choose To Die”. – Dangerous Minds
My second favorite quote of all time and never more so than now. I have made the choice to quit my job. I made the choice not to go work at McDonald’s or to take a position that does not fit my qualifications. I have chosen not to go and spend a bunch of money to take a bunch of classes that I could teach on Addiction, Poverty and At Risk Youth in BC.
I made the choice to live in the situation I am currently in. I have chosen to live in fear, to self victimize myself and to whine internally about all the people in my life who I love and adore who do not love me back.
I make the choice to go to a strip club every now and then and laugh, have a few drinks and spend time with some of the most genuine wonderful kind and loving people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.
People I do not have in my every day life, people I don’t pick up the phone and call or invite into my family – yet they are some of the best people I know.
Many of them are written off because of the clothes they wear, the lifestyle they live or hell the color of their skin.
Yet not one of these people have criticized me or made me feel like I am not welcome or don’t belong. They make me feel loved respected and wanted. They are good people who do whatever they do to get through each day with some semblance of sanity.
Some of my friends are Politicians, some of my friends are police officers and some of my friends are people who live on the fringes of society because of choices they made or because of choices made for them.
There are no victims on this planet. There are people who have been victimized and abused and broken and turned to shit because those that are supposed to love them, treat them kindly and teach them choose not to.
There are people who choose to criticize, abuse, ignore, manipulate and lie.
I do my best to leave the every situation in a better position then when I first came into it but I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I make choices, some good some bad.
I would love to say that I have 0 regrets or that I don’t care but the truth is I care too much. My heart hurts when I Hear about a sixteen year old child being arrested for speaking her mind. The very thing we in our western world are raised to believe is our fundamental government God given right.
My heart hurts when I hear about two kids kissing and then being arrested.
My heart hurts when I see that the world is dark and cold and sad. My heart hurts when I try to put myself out there and the people I love turn their backs on me and then blame me. They push me away and then wonder when I walk away.
I had a friend once, an amazing beautiful stunningly gorgeous friend with hair the color of a Raven’s wings.
I loved this friend more than anything in the world. Until the day I found out she was part of a plot to have me murdered. To this day I have no idea why. I have no idea why the three people I loved more than anything in the world decided to pretend that I had ratted out a drug dealer and tried to send Hell’s Angel’s to my door to have me killed.
Thankfully I had a guardian angel who saw through the lies and kept me safe without me knowing until later, but when I look back at how different things could have been?
I don’t get angry. I become sad. This is a woman I’ve known for more than ten years, she has three beautiful children and a husband who loves her – she has everything she deserves and I cannot be a part of her life because of choices she made. I was the victim, I was innocent and yet people I loved turned on me to protect themselves.
I know the truth I know she knows the truth and I choose to forgive her. I choose to wish her the very best. I choose to pray and hope that she has a life filled with love, laughter, joy and all the things that all humans deserve.
I have another friend who’s made some choices I cannot abide by. She’s chosen to lie and manipulate people into believing she is the victim when in reality she is the abuser. I have not gone out of my way to spread lies about her or to even listen to the darkness that other people want to spread about her.
Yet I hear the lies. I hear what is being said about me and all I can do is shake my head and smile. I choose to wish her the best I choose to pray that she will find her center and her happiness, I choose to pray that she one day becomes the woman I know she wants to be.
And finally I choose to surround myself with people that love me. I choose to surround myself with people like Ace who inspire me, challenge me, push me and make me work for the life I want to have.
I choose to live a life filled with hope and dreams, wishes and magic. I choose to make the choices I need to make that will push me into the future that I deserve. I choose to love myself because I realize now in a way I never, ever truly did before, if I do not start to love myself, love my home, and create a world in which me myself and I can be happy I will continue to be a magnet for people who are dark, slimy and filled with “I need”.
I deserve better than that, and so do you.
So here’s my question for this week. What do you choose?