“You can’t save the world” He once said to me. “You can’t save me or Viz, or Jeremy, You can’t save everyone.”
“Watch Me” I replied.
This was during the wake of Op Lith Child.
This is one of many videos that were made describing a case in which a mother sold her own daughter into sex slavery to government officials. We the collective found that this case connected to Australia, Canada, England and most of Europe.
There are not many times I can say something broke my heart, my spirit and split my soul in half. Op Lith Child split my soul in half.
Learning that the child told her father the truth.
Learning the Child, Deimante Kedyte’s father was murdered.
Learning a judge and a lawyer trying to protect her were murdered.
Learning that Porn Hub has a section called “Lithuanian Girl Gets Fucked.”
Learning the Lithuanian Government knew what was happening and did nothing to stop it.
Learning that our own Government didn’t care.
Being told by police officers that even though I had found child pornography on YouTube, reported it to them as well as the police that I could be charged with sharing said child porn.
These are just some of the reasons I will no longer participate in the Operation Pedo Hunt.
It’s a great fight. Many men and women around the world fight every day to end child pornography, and their making a stab – not a dent. In the world that we live in called Earth there will always be men and women who take our planets most valuable resource our most innocent and corrupt them.
There will always be darkness on this earth – I have come to the spiritual conclusion that in order for there to be light there must be dark.
I dabbled. I looked into the abyss and the abyss kicked my ass.
There are many who say that I was a fake and a fraud, who accused me falsley of being a pedophile myself and very few who defended me. People I loved and called friend turned on me because they would rather be friend a fat balding disc jokey who has sex with prostitutes live on his podcast in his parents garage instead of defend someone who truly believed in the mission.
I’ve been called fat, whore slut, liar, thief. Even when I proved that these accusations were false and misled I lost many friends. People I loved admired respected trusted.
When I had finally thought I’d found my voice, found my place in the world and was starting to make a difference starting to inspire others the abyss bit back so hard I tried to kill myself. Twice. It wasn’t the first time I’d done such a thing, I’d tried before after I was molested the first time.
I spoke to and for the victims because I remember what it was like to be a victim, and the same people who inspired me to stand up and speak for those who could neither stand up or speak for themselves turned on me.
They accused me of lying about my rapes, they accused me of making it all up. I will never ever forget the 1 tweet that is a stain on my heart. “Been raped over 30 times but never had sex.”
The sad part is, the person who tweeted that actually saved me because it was that tweet that got my anonymous persecutors to stop harassing me.
During all of the abuse “I” was suffering Deimante Kedyte was still being raped and abused. Her family still being harassed and threatened and her aunt – one of the few remaining relatives trying to protect her was jailed.
It was a battle I realized too little too late that we would never win. Deimante Kedyte was kidnapped by the Lithuanian police and her own mother from her safe house and vanished. You can find the video on youtube. To this day I still think about her. I think about her every time I look at a child.
I walk the street some days and wonder how many kids in my own neighborhood have been or will be abused.
No it isn’t that I don’t care. It is that I can’t.
For fifteen years I worked with victims of sexual abuse. Men and women often times twice my age who are in the exact same state today that they were in when I met them at the age of fifteen. I helped them find housing, get into recovery, get re-acclimated, only to watch them go back to the streets because the pain was too great. The suffering too dark for them to face.
I have seen the absolute worst one human can do to another.
Less than a mile from my home a young woman was locked in a back yard storage unit and burned alive. Why? Because she owed money on a 50 dollar debt.
In the same corner another woman – a beautiful kind gentle soul who wouldn’t hurt a fly tied to a tree raped and left to die for the world to see. Her name was Janice. No one cares about Janice Shore because she was homeless, poor and addicted to drugs.
No one knows what childhood she had. No one knows how rare it was for her to hear the words “I love you.”
For nearly nine years every night from November to March I worked at a church, doing night shifts for the Extreme Weather Shelter. Every night I thought of Deimante Kedyte and said good night and I love you as I shut out the lights.
I remember that one of those years we lost 13 people to over dose and suicide. Every single person we lost that year was someone who suffered from early childhood sexual or physical abuse.
You ask why I no longer participate in hunting down pedophiles? I did my time. I worked hard I did everything I could and the only thing I learned is that you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.
You sure as fuck can’t fight against a government that doesn’t really care about the loss of life when it comes to pedophilia.
Do you really think that there is a single person in the Free World who is in government who doesn’t know about the global child sex ring? Do you think they care? No. Why? Because if we’re being quite frank and honest….
“Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility”
It’s sad and I commend every one of you who continue the fight. Who look into the abyss every single day and keep fighting. I think you people are hero’s you are amazing. The fact that you can look at pure evil and continue to fight I don’t…I cannot express how much you matter. How much good you do for the world.
Please understand it isn’t that I don’t care. It’s that I learned a long time ago to shut that part of myself off because if I don’t I will die. I will slit my own wrists. I’m not strong enough.
To that end I’d like to dedicate this post to AnonChimp. You are my hero, without a doubt. Every day you continue the fight against child pornography and early childhood sexual abuse. You do it without a thank you from anyone, and you require none. You do it because it’s your mission. You have in all the years I’ve known you never once asked for anything in return. You my friend, are what “Anonymous” was always supposed to be. You are the last man standing. I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you.
And if you’ve read this far, please keep in mind that there are millions of children every day who are sold into sex slavery.
With all my love