Where I’m At

I was able to start taking my new prescription iron on Friday. I can’t say I am feeling overwhelmingly better but  guess like everything it takes time. By next week I’ll know f I am gong in for a blood transfusion or iron injections.

I can’t say either option is particularly appealing.

We’ll see. Most of this weekend was in a pain killing drugged stupor due to my cracked wisdom tooth and the fact that it hurts like a mother fucker. Unfortunately I can’t have t removed until my doc gives the okay. With the whole bleeding out thing still being a possibility.

To be perfectly honest, I am angry.

When I look back at myself at sixteen  I see a lonely sad girl who enjoyed going on long walks by herself – who enjoyed being outside and looking up at the sun until her eyes burned. I see a young girl who enjoyed basketball and badminton who enjoyed sports and seeing places in her neighborhood she’d never seen before. I see a girl who ran and jumped and was heavily active.

That girl is gone.

In her place is a woman who gets winded walking the stairs let alone a dog.

Now

I am the girl who sleeps all the time. The girl who is so tired that making dinner is an effort. I am learning more and more that my body needs iron and sleep and good food before I will ever be ready to meet my fitness goals.

I am angry. I am angry that at 33 years old  have a body that is tired and broken instead of strong and beautiful. There s plenty of blame to go around but this is where I am at.

It can only get better from here. I hope.

 

Love S

 

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