“If, when you wake up in the morning, you can think of nothing but writing . . . then you are a writer.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
When I was seventeen years old I met a man named Barrie Hall. (No we aren’t related, I’ve long since shortened my last name for personal reasons.)
Barrie was a fellow role-player on a website called Chatropolis. Now it’s a total porn site but back then it housed amazing adventures and phenomenal writers. It was also where I met my first real mentor, Mia.
Mia used to tell me all the time that I am a writer. When I would write poetry talking about how crappy life was or how I couldn’t escape – when I’d write about how I didn’t or could not have loved myself she would calmly and quietly berate me and remind me that I was in fact loved.
I can honestly say that without Mia and Barry I would not have become a writer. I would not have embraced writing the way they both taught me to.
I was seventeen and broken. It was Barry who introduced me to Livejournal.Com – the first journal I ever had. It was Mia who introduced me to the idea of learning to love myself.
It was also Barry who introduced me to graphic design and taught me to flesh out a character, how to fall in love with the character. It was Mia who taught me to embrace my ability and I am only just now looking back on those lessons and taking them in. Thank you is not enough to say all the things I wish I could say to Barrie. It is because of him that I am where I am today – that I am as mentally stable as I am today.
He was there through all my abuse, he picked up the phone when I needed to hear a friendly voice and he keeps me grounded.
Mia died when I was eighteen. Her last words, the last words she ever uttered were “It Hurts”. I was sad for her, but I wasn’t entirely surprised. Mia’s entire life was a series of misery and sadness, the fact that her final words in this world were “it hurts” makes me happy that at least now she is at peace.
I have been writing most of the night, it is I hope some of my finest work. I dedicate the following to my friends Barry and Mia. Our Tiny circle that spanned the globe, one down two to go. Thank you for sticking around B, nearly fifteen years in.
I will never love anyone the way I love the two of you, thank you for constantly pushing me, inspiring me, and always no matter what being there when I needed you…….and even when I didn’t.
With all my love,