Hush: Understanding the Shame of Enjoying your Sexuality after abuse

When I was first molested I was about seven years old. They call this being sexualized way too young. After that first example of sexualization I became obsessed with sex, I didn’t understand it nor was I able to share my feelings with anyone, because back then in the 90’s people didn’t truly understand the effects of sexual abuse.

The first thing I did after I was raped at sixteen, was to have as much sex as I could – as if by repeating the process of what happened, I could somehow understand or sort through my feelings. This led people to believe that I had lied about my rape, when in reality I just had no idea how to deal with it and no one to talk to.

I am convinced that in this day and age, there is not a single person on this planet who has not at some point suffered some kind of abuse.

I have a very amazing friend that I met online several months ago. She’s a few years older than me, we’ll say fifties and she’s recently just discovered that she enjoys real life bondage play.

For several years she was married to an abuser who kept her both isolated and ashamed of her desires. It was only by leaving her abuser that she was able to discover her true self and release the shame she spent more than half her life living with.

It is my desire to write a book that not only helps other victims to discover their true selves but also explain why we behave the way we do before, during and after abuse.

It has taken me ten years and only now am I beginning to pull apart the layers of what happened to me, and only now am I learning to deal with it in a healthy constructive way. The book that I want to write will explore sexuality and shame, in such a way that we remove the power our abusers have over us.

I am asking all men and women to come forward and help with this by sharing their stories. I have created a short questionnaire which can be found Here.

I have learned that it is only when the many raise their voices the few can find theirs. Thank you in advance to any and everyone who helps out with this project.

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